misAdventures of Workmonkey 3.0

Congrats.

You managed to put together a somewhat successful year.

With your samurai senses, you were once again able to prevent your greatest fear: getting raped and eaten by a grizzly bear/great white shark super clone engineered at that secret experimental government lab deep inside Area 51.

You managed to go over five days without a drink of alcohol in July (I will ignore the fact you were sick during that time). You immediately celebrated this accomplishment by drinking for six days straight.

You were able to scrape off enough emotional courage to propose to your girlfriend, ensuring that 2010 Mark will be exceedingly more responsible and selfless than your current incarnation.

You avoided injuring your penis with oyster sauce or beer caps. However, you did gravelier damage to your knee that was already gravely damaged. In 2009, I'll trade your hoop dreams for banjo dreams.

You played poker twelve times. You won once.

A high percentage of your diet was comprised of french fries, potato chips, and other crispy potato products. You did so while refusing to have your cholesterol measured as per your doctor's request. 2009 Mark will now have to deal with the repercussions of this potato indulgence.

You worked a lot. But you managed to throw in several vacations along the way, ensuring a healthy stress level. Applause, applause.

You had well too many hangovers. To avoid this in 2009, I will now have to learn how to cure hangovers, or how to avoid drinking past my limits. This year, I'll focus on the former.

Great job getting Obama elected. Your passionate posts on political blogs convinced at least two voters to change their minds. And your periodical $25 donations helped him by 1/7908th of a commercial in Omaha.

You read some good non-fiction books, filling the blanks with knowledge of World War I, Cholera, and Dick Cheney.

You didn't ruin any friendships. Instead you gained two more. Thanks to your efforts, if I manage to lose a friend this year, I'll still be ahead by one.

You didn't fall in love with a small horse, like 2007 Mark, which I'm pleased about.

You almost finished The Wire. I said almost, cause now I'll have to finish what your lazy ass was unable to.

I also have already written more blogs within a day of my reign than you were able to during all of yours.

Good Riddance.

Best,

2009 Mark