LESSON #14 OF CAT OWNERSHIP: CLOSE THE DOOR WHEN TAKING A PISS
At no point in my life, either through prior conversation with cat owners, watching television, or reading books, was I ever informed of the fascination kittens have with the deep sounds and intense visuals of a penis emptying urine into a toilet (an activity commonly referred to as "pissing"). Whether sleeping or awake, from any corner of the apartment, upon hearing the sound of my urine stream displacing toilet water, Alice (the current name of my kitten) will race into the bathroom, jump upon the trash can and paw at the urine stream, as if it were an endless piece of yellow yarn. In this event, my options are limited. Attempts to dislodge Alice result in a urine shower upon our tiled walls. Not dislodging her, however, means she'll eventually attempt a full-blown jaw attack on my urine stream, which results in a mess you can well imagine (Alice has yet to figure out exactly why she can never quite get a solid handle on the yellow yarn that she finds so tantalizing). You might be asking why I am not closing the bathroom door to prevent these encounters. For lack of a better answer: Habit. I've spent the past twelve years leaving the door cracked when taking a piss. And that habit is hard to break. Particularly in the middle of the night, when it is hard enough finding the bathroom, more or less remembering to close the door. Fortunately, Alice doesn't find the taking of a crap to be as fascinating, as if she did, that would quickly end my foray into cat ownership.