As Super Tuesday approaches, I've had some initial political discussions with dragonhair. Recognizing that living across the pond has hindered his knowledge of the American political scene, Lee has kindly asked me to provide him a quick reference summary of the major candidates still under consideration. Without further ado:

Mike Huckabee (R)

Pros: He was a badass as Kaiser Soze in The Usual Suspects.
Cons: K-PAX sucked. Also, he doesn't believe in dinosaurs.

Mit Romney (R)

Pros: With butter, cinnamon and sugar, he goes well with the morning coffee.
Cons: He thinks black people were spawned from demons.

John McCain (R)

Pros: He has over three thousand years of experience.
Cons: He loses six percent of his flesh to botflies daily.

Hillary Clinton (D)

Pros: She has boobs.
Cons: Her favorite hobby, second only to drinking lighter fluid, is to rip out the eyes out of middle-aged men, suck out their brains with a twisty straw, and yell racial insults into their empty skull. She then masturbates herself with the dead man's tongue, which she had previously removed with the fangs growing out of her labia.

Barack Obama (D)

Pros: He has a nasty three-point shot.
Cons: There's a good chance if elected we'd have to spend our entire GDP protecting him from assassination attempts by the Clintons.

John Edwards (D)

Pros: Look at those fucking abs!
Cons: He likes to give press conferences in banana hammocks.

I hope this helps you with your absentee ballot, dragonhair.