Despite all its the conveniences, it recently dawned upon me that TiVo is slowly destroying my life.
Firstly, it's obliterated the small amount of patience I ever had on my persons. The decline began a year ago, when I first brought the evil powers of the TiVo into my household. I acquired it for its primary purpose: fast-forwarding through commercials. After a few months of that, I became even more impatient, so I began fast-forwarding through opening credits, show recaps, and any scenes not involving dialogue. Later still, losing any ability to deal with unwanted content, I began to fast-forward past anything I didn't find instantly entertaining, within two seconds of viewing, including whole segments of the actual shows that were the reason I got TiVo in the first place. I'm now able to get through hour-long shows in about eight minutes. It's essentially the equivalent of speed reading. When I watch Jeopardy!, as example, I fast forward between each question, even though it is only about a three second wait in real time. But those 3 seconds are intolerable. I am like a god-wizard, manipulating time and space.
The second problem is TiVo has squeezed out all the enjoyment of watching TV. There used to be true excitement when you stumbled upon a movie or show that you were able to watch spontaneously, and a desire to race home to catch your favorite show. Now, I consider my TiVo list to be a To-Do list. It's become a chore to watch all I've recorded. The list hangs over me, the same way a dirty bathroom does. I think, "shit, i have to watch that last episode of Family Guy" in the same way I think "shit, i have to clean the shower". I watch shows only so I can delete them, keeping my list tidy and up-to-date. Further, I'm watching shows I don't even like, simply because they are there. This isn't about entertainment anymore. This is about filling quotas, and being able to discuss any show that someone might ask me about upon my travels. I sit there each night, blankly scanning through the show guide, recording anything that catches my eye. And on top of my bloated Tivo list, I have three NetFlix movies sitting there, which takes me months to fit in.
It is 100% entertainment overload. It's exactly like drinking another beer when I'm already complete drunk. I can't even feel entertainment from a show anymore. I just switch from show to show, looking for a quick fix, my attention span so low I can't even listen to complete sentences before getting bored with it. Worse of all, it is slipping into my life as a whole. When having conversations, I tire of them immediately. I have a strong desire to fast forward past boring stories told my co-workers at lunch. I want to TiVo certain chicks on the subway so they are on my list for later viewing. I try to skip past shitty assignments at work. I've had this job for five months, after leaving a job I was at for six months, and already want a change. This isn't even about instant gratification. I can't even get gratified.
I shall soon eliminate the Tivo. I shall learn to appreciate watching a show only if I happen to be home to see it. If i'm not, well, then, fuck it. I've missed it. Which isn't even true. By missing it, I've actually missed nothing, as I can't even enjoy it anymore. Maybe I'll try enjoying something other than TV, such as real life. The good thing about real life is it has to be dealt with as is, boring parts and all, which in the end makes it that much more fucking enjoyable.