misAdventures of Workmonkey 3.0

I've recently become obsessed with a recurring daydream in which I imagine I'm sent back in time (the time itself varies, but is usually either in ancient Mesopotamia, the Middle Ages, the Revolutionary War Era, or right before the Civil War). In the daydream, the leading intellectuals and scientists of the period flock to me for my future wisdom. They ask question upon question, and implore me to teach them how to advance society. The problem is, I've gone back in time with nothing other than the clothes on my back, and thus have to use my own knowledge to help recreate a modern society. Now here is where the daydream gets interesting. I ask myself exactly how much of modern society I would be able to build with nothing other than my brain. The answer? Unfortunately, not much. At all. I could tell the people in the past all about antibiotics, and steel, and engines, and toothpaste, and contact lenses, and golf balls, and hair gel. Their faces would light up in utter fascination as we sat around a fire discussing flying machines. But if they then asked me how they could make any of those things? I'd have not the slightest idea.

Age recently sent me an online test that confirmed my theory. The test asked basic questions, such as if you could name the three primary ingredients of steel, identify an internal combustion engine, or even describe the process for making rubber. I was woefully incompetent. I mean shit, I wouldn't even know how to make popcorn. Where do kernels come from? How do you make butter? What metal are skillets made from? Iron? Where do you get that? How do you start the fire to heat the skillet to pop the kernels? Where do you go for salt? How do you make an SOS Pad to scrub the skillet? What about soap and paper towels?

So who could transform society? Blacksmiths, engineers, farmers, electricians, mechanics, doctors. People who actually have useful skill and could make something actually work. Someone who knows how to make an antibiotic, grow wheat, or shape steel. What about all of us? The regional managers and real estate agents and useless copywriters? What could we teach? How to concept an ad for an auto company? How to balance a spreadsheet?

At this point in the daydream, upon realizing how useless I'd be, I simply start to wow all the hot bitches from the past who are all interested in sleeping with a man of the future. I just travel around the world, the most popular man around, and have frequent sex with the hottest chicks I can find, which is easy, since they get all turned on because I can tell them that the earth is actually round, plus they're all curious to know if a man from the future is any better in bed than a man from the past (they'd quickly find out men in the future have no made in advancements in the area of sex). Or sometimes the daydream verves into the military realm, where I imagine that I've brought back a Gatling gun with endless rounds of ammunition, and thus become the most feared warrior in the past. I literally could annihilate the entire 15th century English army on my own. This makes me even more desirable to all the bitches, so I go have even more sex, but this time with hot princesses and queens and dutchess. Of course, they were plagued with tons of venereal diseases back then, so i'd have to be sure to bring lots of condoms, which men would pay me blocks of gold for. I've never gotten past this part in the daydream, as I've usually reached my subway stop by this point. But if I were to continue it, I'd probably teach people the basics of democracy, and then go back to searching the countryside for hot chicks. At this point the daydream would become a fantasy. And I'm not quite ready to share fantasies with you on this blog. But feel free to explore this daydream and inform me of what you think you could contribute, if anything, to past societies. Online auction sites don't count.