misAdventures of Workmonkey 3.0

Before his departure from my apartment to the endless rains of London, dragonhair used his similarly endless technical talents to reprogram my DVR (ensuring I wouldn't be disturbed, dragonhair thoughtfully did this reprogramming while I was at work). With a deft touch that comes so naturally to him, he added season passes to shows he thought I might enjoy in the future. One such show was Gordon Ramsey's Hell's Kitchen, which, after sampling, I immediately deleted. FOX network reality shows are among my least favorite, for one thing. But the show was too staged. Take a seemingly angry chef that likes to swear, bring in awful chefs that give him plenty to swear about, then sit back and watch. In other words, the prototypical American TV show: loud, sensationalistic, simple, unintelligent, crude, and artificial (Top Chef is much better). Turned off, I attributed my dislike of the show partly to FOX, partly to America, and partly to Gordon Ramsey. That was the last of his work i'd be watching, I assumed.

Then, last Saturday night, James Fox (a brit) and I were discussing our DVR list during dinner. I mentioned my dislike of Hell's Kitchen. He concurred, but then asked if I'd ever seen the British show called Kitchen Nightmares with Gordon Ramsey. I expressed my seeming dislike of Ramsey. He told me to withhold judgment until watching Kitchen Nightmares. Luckily, the next day, BBC-A was running a marathon of that very show.

Surprisingly, it was great. And the Gordon Ramsey on that show is totally different than the Gordon Ramsey on Hell's Kitchen, which apparently is all an act for American audiences. Sure he still swears, but he's also intelligent, laid-back, supportive, and generous. The essence of the show is that Ramsey goes around to good restaurants in the UK (sometimes France) that are failing and/or near closure. He acts as a consultant, figures out why nobody is going, and then implements changes, such as changed menus, new design, etc. During this process, he takes the chefs under his wing, works hand in hand with the owner, uses creative team-building tricks, shares his expertise, etc. He works and works until the restaurant improves business. I have total and complete respect for him.

The point is this: what the fuck? Why can't they show something like that in America? Why does Britain get one Gordon Ramsey and we get another? Do we not like optimism? Or do we need our shows to involve constant ridicule, eliminations, and superficiality? Is it impossible to imagine a show like Kitchen Nightmare here in America, as it often time has a positive result? Or do we need to see fat, spoiled 16-year olds planning 100,000 dollar birthday parties and big, fat, obnoxious fiancees? It reflects poorly on our population .. like we are a bunch of dumb fucking chimps sitting in front of our TV, eating fried shit, stomping the ground and cheering everytime someone gets yelled at and cries. I'm not saying our shows have to all be intellectual documentaries .. but give us the other Gordon Ramsey. The one who fixes restaurants, not the one who yells at chefs. It is the ultimate message to our country from another: You aren't smart enough to appreciate this work. You need to be fed little bits of dumbed-down entertainment, while you sit on your obese, grease-stained, oreo-crumbed asses, giggling because someone on TV said a bad swear word.

Regardless, i've been cured. I found BBC-A on demand, and thus always have available to me shows that don't involve 5th-graders, crying bachelorettes, or Americans with (bad) talent. So I apologize, Gordon. You had to change yourself for us. And, I think we can both agree, it isn't a change for the better.