misAdventures of Workmonkey 3.0

Yes, in 1990 Ralph Tresvant was one of the few men in the world with sensitivity. Now, however, seventeen years later? It seems everyone is a man with sensitivity. In the last week alone, I've come across the following stories:

• This Super Bowl Snickers spot was pulled from air because gay advocacy groups claimed the two men's reaction to a man-on-man kiss was "homophobic".

• The National Jewish Democratic Council blasted presidential candidate Mitt Romney for selecting Henry Ford Museum to announce his candidacy. Why? Apparantly, Henry Ford was a anti-semite back in the early 1900s (when I think half the world were anti-semites). So by going to the Henry Ford museum, you are blatantly supporting the hatred of Jews.

• Additionally, this Super Bowl GMC spot was pulled from air because of complaints from suicide prevention groups.

It seems to me, there are two primary problems. Firstly, there are far too many advocacy groups in the United States. In reality, how many groups are needed to fight for gay rights? 150,000? Most of them have well too much time on their hands to write letters and get offended by things (though we all know gays are particularly sensitive). Secondly, and most disturbing, the time has now arrived when it isn't simply enough to accept people with differing beliefs than yourself. Now, apparantly, you must believe exactly what they do, and wholeheartedly support it.

Exhibit A: In the aforementioned Snickers spot, two men try to eat a Snickers bar at the same time, and end up touching lips. Their reaction is actually quite realistic: they freak the fuck out. If two heterosexual men mistakenly kiss, they would be expected to freak out. I certainly would.

So then what's the issue?

Gay groups announced the reaction of the two men was "homophobic". By their logic, not wanting to kiss another man is homophobic, even if you are heterosexual. Kissing men is beautiful, and should be supported everywhere. Similarly, if you ever find yourself lip to lip with a man, you should celebrate, not hide, as you are engaging in a liberating and wonderful activity. Essentially, we've reached the stage in human "development" where two heterosexual men who accidentally kiss are not allowed to feel disgust. Instead, they are required to feel pleasure. Anything less is homophobic.

The Henry Ford thing is a stretch, even as far as advocacy groups are concerned. So Henry Ford was an acknowledged hater of Jews over 90 years ago. Can I not drive his cars? George Washington had slaves, so by spending a dollar am I condoning slavery? Can a man not be recognized for his strengths and weaknesses? Or does inventing the car not allow you a certain amount of leeway?

Ultimately, here is what i've learned this week with the help of the guidance and wisdom of this country's advocacy groups:

1. Kissing men are beautiful. All men should kiss, without any feelings of repulsion.
2. The Ford Mustang hates Jews.
3. Robotic arms shouldn't get depressed and jump off of bridges.

For years, advocacy groups have fought for a world where a man does not judge another man based on his religion, race, or beliefs. Now, however, it seems they have forgotten their own teachings: They judge worse than any of us. Maybe it is time for us to repay the favor, and remind them a thing or two about tolerance.

(Man, i just love dramatic endings to blogs. It's the new thing. Indians!)