misAdventures of Workmonkey 3.0

Walking by the Macy's on 34th and 7th Avenue this morning, I noticed their storefront windows were filled with displays for Black History Month. I think that is fantastic. Macy's should support Black History Month, particularly when it helps them sell coffeemakers, Seven jeans, and cashmere towels. I'm not particularly sure how they've logically linked Black History Month to Macy's, which has done as much for the black community as the Republicans, but it is noble nonetheless. Now, people like me can walk by their storefront and realize three critical things:

1) It is Black History Month.
2) Macy's supports Black History Month, which makes them quite progressive.
3) It is already February 13th, and I haven't purchased my Black History Month gifts! Now, let's see, a 20-pack razor replacement for Taj, and a History of the Pubic Afro book for Neal. That should do the trick.

I've always highly enjoyed when companies hijack social issues and history to sell shit. It reminds me of a huge print ad that hung in the halls of my previous agency: A full-bleed picture of Rosa Parks in 1955 sitting at a bus stop. Towards the bottom of the picture was a line reading, "Uncommon Courage. Uncommon Wisdom." Then, in the bottom right corner of the ad, was a Citigroup logo. So, essentially, Citigroup, a provider of financial and insurance services, firmly believes it has endless amounts in common with Rosa Parks. When Rosa Parks defied two-hundred years of bigotry, hatred, and racism with a single decision that risked her very existence, it was shockingly similar to the time Citigroup decided to raise the APR on their savings accounts to 4.25%. Parallel lives. The courage of both is astounding.

Microsoft has recently joined the same party. To celebrate the launching of Windows Vista, a PC-based operating system, they released a commercial associating the importance of Vista with the following historical events:

1) Launching man into space
2) Pele's transformation of the soccer landscape
3) The falling of the Berlin Wall

The beauty is, they believe it. I've been in these client meetings. They are so completely full of shit, they believe a release of an operating system is comparable with the most important events in human history. I guess they have to. It helps comfort them when realizing they've wasted the last 17 years of their lives as a regional marketing manager working long hours, missing their kids grow up, for a company whose sole purpose was to increase profit margins. Comparing their work to the birth of Jesus Christ helps them feel important. Granted, to us on the outside, it is the most insulting, insolent, self-righteous, ignorant, full-of-shit comparison in the history of earth, but to each his own.

Now, if you will excuse me, I've got some Sean John jeans to buy. I have to do my part, you know. I am brave like that. I am sort of like the modern-day Abraham Lincoln, the way I buy jeans to support the black cause. Emancipation Proclamation, purchasing jeans ... we are cut from the same fabric, i tell you.