misAdventures of Workmonkey 3.0

For years, I've had an inexplicable habit of confidently answer stranger's questions that I, in fact, have absolutely no knowledge of. It usually goes something like this:

STRANGER: Excuse me, man, can you tell me where Ludlow Street is?

ME: (who in fact is totally lost and looking for Ludlow Street himself): Of course. Walk two blocks that way, take a right, and it will be three blocks down.

In reality, I have no idea where I just sent the person, but that is irrelevant. It allows me to keep the image that I know everything, which is what i'm ultimately going for. I know all streets, I know all people, I know all literature references. What kind of New Yorker would I be if a tourist asked me for the location of a street, and i didn't know? Better to lie.

While I've done this pretty much all my life, without guilt, that just changed, recently. A middle-age couple, obviously from the midwest, stopped me on the corner of 45th and 9th Avenue. They pointed up to a red traffic sign at the top of a pole. In large letters, it read "NO STANDING - 7 AM - 8 PM".

They innocently inquired, "What does that sign mean?"

Now, i'd seen those signs all over New York since I moved here, and had never known what they meant. But I couldn't tell them that I didn't know, as that would make me look unintelligent. Instead, I told them the following: Because of the large amount of foot traffic on 9th Avenue, pedestrians aren't allowed to stand at any point during the day. For whatever reason, perhaps my incessant charm, they bought it. And, even worse, as we were all standing on the sidewalk as I answered the question, they panicked as soon as I finished and started quickly walking away (so as not to get ticketed), while yelling, "Thanks!"

Only a few weeks later did I learn that "No Standing" referred to double-parked cars. In other words, cars can't ever pull over during the hours listed. Seems fair enough. But I can't help feeling a bit guilty that somewhere out there is a couple running around the sidewalks of New York, trying to take pictures while walking, afraid to stop even long enough to take a drink of water.