misAdventures of Workmonkey 3.0

While celebrating the Christmas season yesterday at Red Lobster (nothing reminds me of the holidays quite like a crab and lobster-stuffed mushroom), I took a moment to listen to the lyrics of "Winter Wonderland", blaring over the fine Red Lobster speakers. "Winter Wonderland" was one of the first songs I learned how to play on the piano, and I remembered being highly confused by the lyrics then,. Unfortunately, Google didn't exist at that time, so my small, skeleton-esque hands were tied. No longer. I returned to the office determined to find an answer.

The two lyrics that had always left me scratching my balls, i mean, my head:

"In the meadow we can build a snowman, and pretend that he is Parson Brown."

"Later on, we'll conspire, as we dream by the fire."

The questions here are obvious. Who the fuck is Parson Brown, and why are people conspiring? You only conspire to do bad things, like murder your teacher, or blow up a bridge. Could it be "Winter Wonderland" is a secret terrorist manifesto, spreading hidden messages to those who will do us harm?

Of course, I knew Google would have the answer.

Here's the problem. Upon typing in "Parson Brown" into the search window, I was returned thousands of results. Apparantly, I was the 14 millionth man in the world to wonder about Parson Brown. There were about 2 million blogs about it alone. Mine would have just added to the pile. At this point, I didn't even care who Parson Brown was (if you still do, google it. You'll have your choice of answers. They are all fairly boring). Instead, I was plagued with anger ... Are my ideas for blogs really that unoriginal? Did my pathetic brain really think I was the first guy to think about a blog about the Winter Wonderland lyrics?

It gets to the heart of the matter: Being "creative" isn't difficult. Anyone, technically, can write. Anyone can draw. Anyone can sing. Not everyone can do it well, but everyone can do it. But while being creative is easy, being original is not. That is what makes something good. Thinking up something nobody has thought of before, or, at the very least, something nobody has written about. When you see a comedian, or movie, or hear a song, what makes it good is when you've never seen anything like it before. Which is hard, cause you are programmed all your life to think like everyone else. It is the herd mentality. You are battling your own biology, and about 10 billion people worth of original thought since the beginning of time. That is why only the really fucked up people can be original. And i'm not one of them, so fuck my Parson Brown blog. Read someone else's words.

Not to mention i've recieved several complaints that my blogs are too long. So, i'll end this one. But not without first trying to be the first person in the history of the earth to write these original words. Something that google can only return one result for:

You all can masticate upon my lemon-scented, tempura-coated, over-hard nut sack.