misAdventures of Workmonkey 3.0

There's not much as enjoyable as watching someone have to back track after making an unknowingly insulting statement to someone else. For your pleasure, I'd like to record a conversation I overheard between two people walking down the hallway this morning:

Man: "This company has too much turnover. Which sucks, because the people they hire to replace old employees don't know shit. It takes them at least a year to pull their head out of their asses. How long have you been here again?"

Woman: "6 months."

Man: "Yeah, but , uh, I mean, you're different . . I mean you knew what you were doing from the beginning, I could tell ..."

Woman: "Yeah."

Good job, dude.

I can't knock him, however. It was only last year I was at dinner with a friend's parents, and, after a few beers, loudly announced to the table how much I hate Canadiens who put that gay flag on their backpack almost as much as I hate the German language. Of course, the table's resulting silence already told me what was later confirmed by my friend. Her mother was a Canadien German. Awesome.

Anyway, today is hot as shit. Though I can't complain, as it seems the entire nation is equally hot. I can't sleep for shit in the heat, cause you are either burning up for your love like Madonna, or freezing your ass off with the AC. And unfortunately, I think my bed is some sort of heat conductor that holds the heat blazing on it through out the day, only to release it at night. Sort of like a cotton solar panel. But after watching "An Inconvenient Truth" I am trying to keep my AC, and other electronics, off as much as I can. That movie fucked me up. You all know i'm usually not political in nature, but I mean, we are jacked if we don't do something here soon. So I started by turning off my AC, though it looks like I picked the wrong week to start that contribution. Besides, it is a bit of a catch-22, because the more we use our ACs, the hotter the planet will become, but the hotter the planet becomes, the more we'll have to use our ACs. So, as I explained earlier, we are jacked. No chance the ignorants in the middle of the country give up their 2-ton Chevy Trucks anytime soon. And the White House is run by Chevron, literally. So we all better start working on our backstrokes.

In any event. I've always known I was a better thinker than a doer, and some of the people who read this are doers, so I've decided to start contributing some of my world-changing ideas to you, the world. And those of you that aren't lazy bitches like yours truly can maybe make some of these happen. Today's idea struck me this weekend.

Insta-Tap
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After too many run-ins with shitty bartenders, and attempts to wait at a crowded bar for thirty minutes only to have to carry constantly-spilling drinks back through a clump of people to your table, I've realized we need bartender-less bars. Here's the technology:

The bar is filled with tables and booths, just like today. Only each table has its own tap system. Next to the tap is a little screen, complete with every drink you could possibly want, from beer, to mixed drinks, to wine, to shots. You plug in your credit card (which can verify your age), and select the drink you want from the touchscreen. Put your glass under the tap and bam, there's your drink. I'll get a Newcastle, Jill will get her Pinot Grigio, Neal will get his vodka soda, and Slaven will get his water with two limes (he doesn't want to get a hangover, you know) .. all from the same tap.

When you need a refill, just push the button for "instant refill" and there you go. No annoying trips to the bar, no bitchy bartenders, no spilled drinks. As an added bonus, you could enter music through the screen to play at your table. But it only plays at your table, through the creative use of acoustic tiling. Self-service boozing.

Your idea, for free.

More to come tomorrow.