misAdventures of Workmonkey 3.0

As a quick note to all expectant mothers, I'd like to suggest that NAMING your child something unique in no way MAKES your child unique. Granted, I may simply be bitter over having one of the most common names in North America (Mark Jones beats me by a hair), but my name is also responsible for why I became what I did. When you have a common name like mine, Mark Kenneth Anderson, you strive to make yourself standout in different ways. Which explains my many tattooes, colored hair, and piercings.

I was watching some show on Food Network the other day where Giada (the most beautiful woman in America) was cooking with kids. Three white, suburban, all-American kids from LA, each about ten-years old. Looked like all other ten-year olds i've ever seen. Their names? Glad you asked. Parker, Lucia, and Taylor. The kids were perfectly normal, but their names were perfectly not.

The same happens everytime I get a work email telling of the birth of a co-workers kid (at a company my size we seem to get on of these emails every ten days or so). The names hit along the same route .. Prentice .. Jaylon .. Jagger .. Where are the authentics? John? Frank? Tom? Slaven?

At this point, those names are more unique than these new-age ones. With over 352,000 babies born a day around the world, my personal guess is you'll have to do a bit more than name your kid something different in order to make him stand out. The sad part is little Parker is going to go through his childhood thinking he is unique, then he'll get into the real world and wonder why he is a regional manager for a textile manufacturer when he always thought he was destined to an astronaut.

For the record, the guy who discovered America was named Chris, the first man on the moon was named Neil, and perhaps the smartest man in history was named Albert. No Parkers or Jaylons anywhere. Take a hint. The best way to make your kid unique is to name him something generic.