misAdventures of Workmonkey 3.0

You simply have to love a culture that riots, fire-bombs, and kills over an obscure cartoon in an obscure newspaper from an obscure Danish town. This cartoon controversy is a particularly revealing illumination of Islam. Sometime in September a Danish newpaper published several cartoons parodying Islamic figures. One of them showed Mohammed wearing a bomb as a turbin. Considering the well-known choice of Islamic terrorists to use bombs as their message, I don't find this caricature to be extremely inaccurate. I'm guessing the men and women with third degree burns over the whole of their bodies who survived the London and Madrid subway bombings would find some truth in the caricatures as well. There are about 60 suicide bombings a month in Iraq alone, all in the name of Islam. Some people are obviously finding the justification they need within Islam to bomb the living shit out of human beings. Thus, I don't find it unreasonable to create a cartoon tying together bombs and Mohammed. Had the cartoon shown Mohammed wearing a red-breasted goose on his head while holding sparklers, I may not have understood the reference. But bombs? I get that. The most telling part is how outraged the Muslim world can get over a fucking cartoon. The end of the world brought about by a 3" x 5" black and white drawing. Mohammed isn't violent, they are shouting on the streets across the world. Not only is he not violent, but you should execute the cartoonist who says he is! And bomb all of Denmark! And kill their citizens! Anyone who claims that Mohammed encourages violence should be killed to proove that isn't true! And we'll burn embassies to teach you a lesson! If I may be so bold as to speak to an entire religion: IT IS A FUCKING CARTOON! IN A FUCKING USELESS NEWSPAPER! OWNED BY NON-MUSLIMS! CHILL THE FUCK OUT! It is fine that some Muslims don't believe in free expression or truth in any form, but don't tell the country of Denmark what they can and cannot publish in their papers. I apparantly am missing the whole part of religion that is supposed to be good for the world. Pray to God in the morning and burn down embassies at night. This cartoon means nothing. They hate us for not being them. For not believing what they do. You can argue all you want that your religion is based upon peace, love, and understanding. But until you actually display some of those qualities, I, for one, won't be believing it.

As a quick note to all expectant mothers, I'd like to suggest that NAMING your child something unique in no way MAKES your child unique. Granted, I may simply be bitter over having one of the most common names in North America (Mark Jones beats me by a hair), but my name is also responsible for why I became what I did. When you have a common name like mine, Mark Kenneth Anderson, you strive to make yourself standout in different ways. Which explains my many tattooes, colored hair, and piercings.

I was watching some show on Food Network the other day where Giada (the most beautiful woman in America) was cooking with kids. Three white, suburban, all-American kids from LA, each about ten-years old. Looked like all other ten-year olds i've ever seen. Their names? Glad you asked. Parker, Lucia, and Taylor. The kids were perfectly normal, but their names were perfectly not.

The same happens everytime I get a work email telling of the birth of a co-workers kid (at a company my size we seem to get on of these emails every ten days or so). The names hit along the same route .. Prentice .. Jaylon .. Jagger .. Where are the authentics? John? Frank? Tom? Slaven?

At this point, those names are more unique than these new-age ones. With over 352,000 babies born a day around the world, my personal guess is you'll have to do a bit more than name your kid something different in order to make him stand out. The sad part is little Parker is going to go through his childhood thinking he is unique, then he'll get into the real world and wonder why he is a regional manager for a textile manufacturer when he always thought he was destined to an astronaut.

For the record, the guy who discovered America was named Chris, the first man on the moon was named Neil, and perhaps the smartest man in history was named Albert. No Parkers or Jaylons anywhere. Take a hint. The best way to make your kid unique is to name him something generic.