misAdventures of Workmonkey 3.0

I've offically had enough of the puritan bullshit our country spews on a daily basis. The hypocrisy and lack of common sense is overwhelming me. If I wasn't the laziest bastard since Brad Pitt in "True Romance", I might want to do something about it, instead of writing in a blog that has a readership of two people. (as a side note, is it me or does everyone have a fucking blog these days .. I was reading an article on Yahoo! and they actually quoted the author of a blog as if they were some sort of expert. How can you quote the author of a blog? They are wannabe journalists and writers like yours truly who have neither the skill or knowledge to make it as a writer in the real world .. but thanks to the "world wide web" their voice can be heard .. well here's a newsflash, the first thing I ever learned when I first started writing ... just cause you can be heard doesn't mean anyone wants to hear you ... people keeps blogs on politics, social issues, religion, blah blah blah .. just make some fart jokes, you bastards .. if I want political insight, i'll read "The Economist" .. on that note, in the honor of hypocrisy, I shall exercise it myself and write a political blog)

Let me take you through a quick tour of the hypocrisy that has recently overwhelmed me:

- We remove a cruel and inhumane dictator from Iraq for, among other things, torturing and killing citizens. So what do we do when we get over there? We torture and kill their citizens. Sweet. Are we actually having a debate in our government about whether or not we can torture people? Do we actually have to talk about this? Didn't we solve that question about, uh, three hundred years ago in the Constitution? Why don't we just send Joe Pesci over to Iraq to beat some info out of those Iraqi thugs .. It seemed to work pretty well in "Casino". Maybe Sharon Stone can go too. Let me give my lovely government some advice: torture doesn't work. My brother used to sit on me, fart on my face, and threaten to spit in my mouth if I didn't give him the information he wanted. You know what I did? Made shit up. Told him truths, lies, exaggerations ... anything to get him off of me. I told him unicorns lived in my penis, that I was the anti-christ, and anything else he wanted to hear. In other words? Torture provides unreliable information. I knew this at age 8. Rumsfield doesn't know it at age 80.

- Our country recently vehemently objected to the violent and barbaric execution of an Australian in Singapore, then two days later executed Stanely "Tookie" Williams in California. Apparantly, Singapore is backwards because they still hang people, which is "cruel and unusual". But death by injection? No problem. (as a second side note, due to my pledge not to turn this into a political blog, I am avoiding the topic, but is there a less effective and archaic system than the death penalty? Kill people to teach people that killing people is wrong? Avenge one dead person by making another dead person? Try to prevent crime by committing a crime? As a side note to a side note, how is the death penalty legal but not suicide? I can't kill myself, but someone else can kill me. if i wanted to commit suicide, the best thing i could do is kill someone else so i got the death penalty .. then it'd be legal. Not sure I see the logic in the whole thing. Probably because there is none.)

- It takes a Puritan country like ours to preach about freedom of speech, religion, and democracy all the while banning the word "shit" or "fuck" from TV, freaking out anytime a tit is shown, and trying to pass an amendment banning gay marriages (as another side note, why the hell do these Council for Family Values and American Family Society care whether or not gays get married? whose family values are they ruining, other than their own? they get married, get a house somewhere, and nobody knows or cares ever again .. as a side note to this side note, there are entirely too many councils, societys, and clubs in America. It is like senior year of high school when everyone was trying to bump up their application for college and started joining all sorts of random clubs .. the interact club, the key club, the zebra club .. there is a fucking council and society for everything now, which is half the reason there is so much absurdity going on .. bored middle-aged house wives pissed off at how boring and meaningless their life is create some council called the "Concerned Americans Against Loud Alarm Clocks" and convince people there is an alarm clock epidemic .. i don't even think half of these councils even know what they are fighting for, they are just fighting for a cause, any cause, just so they can have one. reach into a hat and pick your own .. with any luck, we can turn back the hands of time and go back to when all americans went to church, ate dinner together, and never swore .. which also happened to be the time women couldn't vote, men beat their kids, and slavery was "in" ... after just reading this blog, I am going to start a new club, Committee for New Yorkers against Boring Blogs)

Alright, that is the end of my yearly political blog. Let's face it, you don't come here for politics. You come here for ... hmmm, what do you come here for? Actually, you don't come here at all, based on my recent readership. So to hell with it.