misAdventures of Workmonkey 3.0

My roommate likes to be naked. He prefers it. Enjoys it. The reason we've never talked about why he was standing at the door of the apartment naked at 6 AM on a Saturday morning is because he doesn't think anything was abnormal about it. After bloging about my last experience, I had a conversation with the two female roommates about it. They too had seen him naked. He sleeps naked with the door open. He's stumbled into the room of my other roommate drunk, in boxers, at night, thinking it was the bathroom. After a few infractions, we had a house meeting, which I had to lead. I had to tell him we were making some house rules, one of which was no nakedness. Particularly when outside of your own room. He was defensive and accusatory. He said, "What, you guys have never seen a naked man before?" "It is natural." Etc, etc. Well, whatever, I explained, please try to observe the new house rule. The meeting ended peacefully enough.

Four days later, I woke up on a Saturday morning around 11 am. I went into the common area to get some orange juice. There he was. Passed out, totally naked, on the futon. Only his schlong was tucked between his legs and poking out the back, like in "The Crying Game". Damn him. I lost my appetite for orange juice, and went back in my room. If you are going to sleep naked, at least do it in your own bed.

I confronted him on it the next day. He didn't remember. The thing is, he gets so totally fucked over on alcohol, he has no memory of what he does. And apparantly, when drunk, he likes to get totally naked.

Suffice to say, living with three strangers is not preferrable as a 29 year old. I crave for the day I can afford my own apartment here in Manhattan. It might be in ten years, but it is a noble goal.

And no matter what you think of your house or apartment, go to bed each night thanking the Good Lord that you are totally confident a naked Russian won't be laying on your futon in the morning.

I am not a fan of the two party political system. It seems unreasonable that in a nation built upon choice and capitalism, I only have the choice between two men for president. One of these two men is supposed to represent my thinking? Simply because he has some elephant or some donkey by his name?

How is it that I have 200 choices for what kind of shampoo to buy, but only 2 choices for who is going to lead the most powerful nation on earth? Sometimes my hair is oily, sometimes it has dandruff, sometimes it is dry. And luckily, I have options for these issues. But now, I have to go to a polling booth and decide the leader of a country. And I have only two options? What kind of bullshit is that? I want to vote for Wesley Clark. I liked that guy. But I didn't have a chance. Cause by the time the primaries had made it to California, the candidates were all but chosen. Why can't there be twenty candidates for president? Each one representing a different kind of thought. How would that hurt? The dude with the most votes wins. In a nation of 300 million people, I doubt one or two dudes does a good job representing the majority. Calling yourself a Republican or Democrat, and blindly voting because you are in this party, is the same as me blindly following everything the Pope says cause I am Catholic. There are hundreds of political parties, so how come only two show up on the ballot? So while yes, I agree you have to get Bush out of office, it is lame that Kerry is the only one that can do this. He seems good only in comparison to Bush. Like if I held up a piece of shit, you wouldn't think it looked good. But if I held the piece of shit in one hand, and a plastic ziploc baggie full of diarreah in the next hand, which would you choose? Probably the solid, hearty, piece of shit, because nobody really wants a ziploc bag of diarreah. In this case, the diarreah made the shit look better. That is what is going on here. All of a sudden that piece of shit is looking really, really good. And people start to think it looks like something its not, like perhaps some tasty, peppered turkey jerky.

Ok, I am sort of losing sight of any kind of point here. But either way, hopefully tomorrow we will all wake up with a piece of shit in our hands rather than a bag of diarreah. But, I speak for all of us by saying, it would be much better to be holding a Double Western Bacon Cheeseburger than a piece of shit. And if they changed out of this archaic, two-party system, the chance at getting to eat a cheeseburger one day would be enhanced dramatically.

I am riding the fast food party, with nominee Carl Jr., all the way to 2008. Finally, something to hope for.

I reference Yahoo! throughout the day to keep in touch with breaking news headlines. They are usually pretty good with staying on top of the news, and link to other news sites for more information in case you are interested in a particular featured story. Anyway, these details are unimportant to my bitch session. Yesterday, around mid-day, I checked the frontpage of Yahoo! and saw this among the featured headlines:

"Julie Roberts recovering after giving birth to twins"

Okay. For who exactly is this newsworthy information? What percentage of America gives a fuck about Julia Roberts giving birth to twins? Actually, as I wrote that question, it struck me deep to know that probably a high percentage of them. Even among our group of friends (I won't name names) I know of at least two confirmed Entertainment Magazine subscriptions. This magazine would feature such fascinating articles on where Julia Roberts was seen eating, why she likes the color black, and what kind of bath soap she uses. But still, any way I look at this, I cannot understand how her giving birth to twins deserves a slot on the pages of any legitimate newspaper. Certain information about hollywood stars interests me. If Julia Roberts turned out to be an alien from a different solar system, or if Julia Roberts discovered the location of Bin Laden, I would be interested. This would be newsworthy. But giving birth? Millions of babies are born each week ... I don't hear about any of them, unless I am related to the person who gave birth .. Even then, I hear about it a day or two later .. So how is it I am on top of Julia Roberts and her "cute little twins"? It is indicative of the country and what we value. We aren't aware of any other nation's politics, wars, or problems, but we know about Julia Roberts and her twins. It annoys me in particular, because they write these articles as if somehow Julia Roberts is braver, stronger, and more special than other people giving birth on that same day. Just cause she's been in some movies (half of which suck ass by the way). Go ahead and leave news of her twins to Entertainment magazine so the bored housewives can read all about her .. leave the news to the real issues, like whether or not Jamal Lewis is going to overcome his sprained ankle for this week's Raven's game.

As a sidenote to the above, I saw my first "star" in NYC last week. Famke Janssen (chick from Goldeneye, X-Men 1 and 2, Rounders, etc). I saw her. In fact, she walked right by me. Amazing. Somehow, she looked a lot like all the other people who walk by me each day. Anyway, I saw her, then I went to eat lunch. I might have to submit the story to Entertainment Magazine so they can keep up on how she walks her dog and what kind of hats she wears.