misAdventures of Workmonkey 3.0

After one complete month of living in New York City (the upper-reaches of Harlem), I have learned serveral new and exciting things. I'd like to share some of them with you.

1) If you come across a man who looks black, dresses black, eats black foods, but speaks Spanish, that means he is Dominican. Likewise, if you come across a man who looks black, dresses black, eats Mexican foods, and speaks Spanish, that means he is Puerto Rican. I have yet to be able to distinguish the Cubans, but I hope to soon be able to do so. There are a number of new ethnicities in this city that I am unfamiliar with. I am overwhelmed. I knew none of these cultures when growing up in Buffalo Grove and San Diego. I know nothing of Greeks, Poles, Italians .. I am excited to learn more.
*** Reader's note: My use of the term "black" refers to the American negro.

2) Popeye's is the best fried chicken restaurant in the world. It trumps KFC, El Polo Loco, Church's, and anything else you can think of. It isn't even about the chicken .. it is the sides .. red beans and rice, buttered biscuits, spicy fries ... However, when ordering from a Popeye's, try to look like you know what you are doing. There is no room for error. Do not waiver for a moment. Confidently order your three piece tenders meal, and know immediately what sides you want. Always order an extra biscuit. On a sidenote, the Popeye's in Brooklyn is perhaps the only restaurant i've been to where the managers and cashiers are black, and then bathroom-cleaner and trash taker-outer is white.

3) When living with two African-American males in Harlem, one of whom shaves his head every few days, it is difficult to get a good recommendation on where to get a decent haircut. I asked Slaven, but all his recommendations were places that charge about four-hundred dollars per haircut, so I asked the only other person I knew who lived here for awhile -- Neal. Suffice to say, that was a dead-end. I ended up walking twenty blocks till finding a Greek (or mabye a Russian) who gave me a cut similar to Drago in Rocky IV. Fifteen dollars to look like a major motion picture star from the 1980's is no problem.

4) When apartment hunting in NYC, it is important to be aware of the liberal use of certain words in apartment descriptions. If you read about a "cozy" two-bedroom, you will find a studio with a paper screen in the middle dividing the room in two. If you read about a "charming" brownstone, you'll find a room with curtains that haven't been washed since Lyndon Johnson was in office. "Hardwood Floors" refer to thicks slabs of wood with cracks big enough for giant tree sloths to climb through. "Up and coming neighborhood" refers to an area in the city that was the murder capital of the world last year, but now is only number two. "Loft" applies to anyplace with ceilings higher than six feet tall. "Spacious" means you can fit a twin bed in the room. "Huge" means you can fit a full-sized bed.

Work starts Monday .. I may still be apartmentless by that time, but thanks to Taj's generousity, I will be sleeping comfortably on a couch in the middle of Harlem, with a belly filled with Popeye's chicken, and a symphony of car alarms and Dominican music slipping through the windows into my eagerly-awaiting ears. I'll update soon.