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Someone stole my side view

Someone stole my side view mirror. The one on the driver's side. Mind you, he didn't steal the entire side view mirror unit, simply the mirror. I got into my car today as I do every morning, only as I looked in the side view mirror to check for approaching traffic, all I got back was a black abyss of nothingness. No reflection, no visual, no mirror. Looking around the area in which my car was parked, I confirmed it hadn't simply fallen off. It clearly was removed by force from my car. Immediately, I wondered exactly what you all are wondering right now. Why would anyone take a 1992 GMC Jimmy side view mirror? The who and how of this mystery isn't nearly as interesting as the why. Theories abound. Was someone in immediate need of a mirror, and my car happened to be the first thing they set eyes upon? Perhaps they were being chased by what they thought to be a vampire, and in order to confirm, they needed to submit the vampire to the reflection test (of course, you all know that if you look for a mirror reflection of a person who is a vampire, you will not find it, as the walking dead have no soul, and thus no reflection). I would approve of the theft of my mirror in such an emergency situation. A quick search of the bushes around my car did not reveal any bloodless virgin woman with telltale bite marks in her neck, so I abandonded this theory. I continued to rack my brain for plausible explanations ... Werewolfs ... Aliens ... Mexicans ... Maybe a beautiful blonde model with voluptous breasts was walking by my car in the middle of the night, and wanted to get naked and pleasure her body while watching herself ... Naturally, my side view mirror was the only thing she could find, and as she brought herself to orgasm, she crushed my mirror with her bare hands .. Embarrased, she scooped up the remains and dumped them in the bushes .. As much as this theory excites me, it doesn't make much sense .. If a naked blonde model truly was close to my car, she'd probably have fancy nails that she wouldn't want to mess up by ripping off the mirror. My mind moved to more plausible explanations ... maybe Lee finally decided to get revenge on me for calling him a smelly Chink the other night when he opened up a canned tin of fried eel. No better way to get revenge than remove a man's side view driver's mirror. All theories aside, have any of you ever tried to drive without a side view mirror? It ain't the easiest thing. I never knew how much of my driving routine it was to use that mirror. Every forty seconds, I would instinctively look for the friendly reflection, only to find nothing but dull blackness. Then I'd have to turn my head around and actually look for cars. Ouch! says my neck. Now the decision is whether or not to attempt to replace the mirror. I could get it at a junkyard, but then i'd have to drive up to Sac to have Jones install it, and that would require some effort. Or I could just blow it off and give my neck some much-needed exercise. Time will tell. But one thing is certain. Right now, somewhere a human being is having one hell of a time with my mirror.

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This page contains a single entry from the blog posted on October 23, 2002 9:37 PM.

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