T Diddy :: Your Friendly Black Dentist

Have you noticed that while traveling down the street everybody, and I mean everybody, is on their cell phone? I sure have and I am sick of it. It is out of control. While I drive down West Chester Pike and a car does some stupid driving maneuver or is going 20 mph below the the speed limit, I pass them to see that they are on the cell phone. On the subway, when the train resurfaces, immediately 50 percent of the people whip out their cell phone. Most of the time you get to hear about Shaniqua's trouble with men or how Kevan forgot to pay rent and the the MFing landlord is threatening him with a lawsuit. If they do not talk on the phone, they definitely stare at it looking for voice mails or text messages.

In fact, what happened to the days when people wanted privacy while talking on the phone? People used to go behind closed doors and have a conversation. Now, you are welcome to join the conversation whether or not you have an invitation. The invitation is their rudeness of talking louder than everybody else in order to drown out their inconvenient background noise. I am tired of it.

Wait! I am not done. When you walk down the street and somebody is moving slow in front of your or zig zags aimlessly down the sidewalk, they are on the cell phone. I just want to give a shoulder that is supported with 110 kg of mass. This also happens when you are in a store shopping, but the worst is in the grocery store.

Here is the ultimate. You are in a store paying for an item or ordering food. The person at the register is attempting to order or pay during the time the person on the other end of the phone is talking. They pause in completing the transaction because it is their turn to talk.

I am tired of this mess. I do not know what happened to people and their ability to exist in the world without a cell phone. Why can they not communicate with the people around them? I know that many of them are rude, but that is no excuse. You can kill them with kindness. What is so important that you have spill the dirt of your life while you sit next to a large black man on the subway? That should wait until you get to work or home in order to have some privacy. Many states have laws that prohibit driving while talking on the phone, but PA does not. I fully support this law after seeing the idiotic maneuvers people do because they are on the phone. It is very dangerous as they are in their own little world. The cell phone generation is out of control. The cell phone was never intended for this type of communication. So the next time you are at dinner with your sweetheart and you hear a phone ring 2 times before Little Jon picks up his cell phone to say, "Pookey, I told your ass I paid those bills," just remember this blog. I am sure you will fully agree with me then.

I will admit it. I do like blasting a good ol' fart. It just feels to damn good. The constant build up of gas is uncomfortable. Then the release just about whips you across to that other side of the room. Furthermore, is there any better bonding experience. You can sit back with some friends catching up on old times, drinking a Sam, and then BOOM. A blast out of no where. The friends might exclaim, "Ewww!", and cover their nose with the neck of their T-shirt. They might frown out you. However, deep down they know it is funny. Well, the main thing is that you feel better and you get a good laugh out of it.

A fart is also good to push people's buttons. If they are upset with you or irritated. All you have to do is let them have it. You will get a double laugh as they get more pissed at you. You can even have a little fun with a fart. On a road trip, all you have to do is let out a warm silent, but deadly air biscuit and watch all the people squirm. Instant comedy. Just add a fart. For additional laughs, all you have to do is point the figure at somebody else and play the part as a disgusted passenger. Fart again, and be the first one to blame the same poor victim. Hell, have another laugh as they try to helplessly defend themselves.

Some people want to play scrabble. Some want to be the living room champ at Jeopardy. Others, want to play monopoly. Me? I just want to play the fart game. Let me walk by an unexpecting victim and blast 2 feet from their nose as they want Cadillac Williams get stuffed for another 4 yard loss. I will get a proper laugh and seek out my next victim.

I bet you never knew a fart could be so versatile. I believe it take wisdom to appreciate this awesome fact. I used to be a guy who would hold back walking down the street, shopping for groceries, or on the subway. Now, I am that guy who just lets it rip while saying a prayer for those around me. I walk down the street blasting fools down stream. I prove ammonia to wake you up. I bring the thunder to shake that dandruff off your shirt. I am that deadly non caring fool you smell at the library that makes you turn your head in disgust. Yes! That person is me and I am proud.

Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday. Their are no expectations and no pressure of finding just the right gift. All I have to do is show up, eat, watch football, and sleep. I get to rest the mind, put my feet up and enjoy the time with my wife. Speaking of which, this will be my first Thanksgiving with her. I know this is the first of many great ones to come.

I will be in New Jersey with the West Indian side of the family. This means corn soup, stewed chicken, curry chicken, turkey and roti. Woo!!! Woo!!! What you know about that?