Debbie Does Drivel

On Monday, a good friend of mine's sister committed suicide, which as you can imagine was horrible to hear.
And I felt sad, and what a waste, and how much pain someone must be in to end it all and why, why, why?
I've known her sister for 18 years and just saw her in December and thought she was looking well. She'd had a number of substance abuse issues, but was always so kind, funny and smart and I keep going back to why, why, why?

Not that you asked, but there are two things I do which are trademark Debbie after hearing bad news:
1) I tend to judge. It's unfair, but I do it. Here, I think, "how could you do that to your family?" and "was it really so bad," and on and on. In the last year or so, I've realized I don't really know jack about anything or anybody and don't walk in their shoes so I should shut the hell up. Like, I don't know how bad depression can get, now do I. Her mind was not in the right place and clouded by drugs or alcohol and numbing mental pain. Thank God I don't know that feeling (most of the time).

2) I am haunted by the details. I wonder what was it like to experience that and I search out any crumb of additional information on the Internet. In this case, she jumped off the Coronado Bridge and that brings all kinds of images to mind. I've even speculated how she did it: did she drive to the bridge entrance and walk to the edge? Did she park her car? What was she thinking? Did she regret it the nanosecond she stepped off the bridge? Did it hurt?

But most of all, the why, why, why? Don't I wish I had the answers.

So, I've quit my job to work from home and stay with the kids.
And look: this all happened because of "The Secret." Don't download it or purchase the DVD, just listen a minute: thoughts become things. It's the Secret. The laws of attraction: think about what you want and the Universe/God brings it to you.

I affirmed again and again that I wanted to stay home with the kids and continue to earn income and it happened. Really: the opportunities presented themselves -- those things that made it possible for me to stay home.

Of course, now I'm like, "huh?" Does staying at home really mean watching the kids? Like, ALL DAY? Will there be lunch breaks? Free Xeroxes?

It's a definite change for me...and I can have more input into my kids lives. I'll need to resist the temptation to make Little Debbies. Now that should set an interesting chain of events affoot in the Universe.