BOOK OF DAYS
Today is Alexa's birthday.
Something you should know about me: I experience delayed reactions. When everyone says you should be emotional (graduations, funerals, etc.), I am not. I'm stubborn. I prefer to feel my feelings on my own time, not when someone else says I should. This is why my New Year's usually sucks.
I react a beat behind everyone else. I feel things, yes. It's just in my own way.
That being said, I felt my baby's birthday.
When nurses placed her on me directly after birth, I remember saying, "I can't believe I have a baby." I recall her purpleness and fat butt. But I didn't feel that overwhelming "thing" mothers say you do. Maybe because the burning sensation between my legs overtook the moment. I just can't say.
The overwhelmingness came later. Major love and stuff. The sense that if anything were to happen to your baby, you couldn't go on.
And today, I felt everything. My baby is 1! Feels like yesterday she was purple and fat. Now she's nearly walking. Saying "da-da," and pointing to her nose.
My heart bursts. I feel its beat. I smooch her full on the lips, caring not that her mouth is open and stacked with cracker mush.
Oh my sweet Barney Lard-Ass, your mama loves you.
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