A LITTLE VALENTINE'S DAY STORY
I'm in Bookstar, browsing, fondling monkey bookends, looking non-plussed.
Cashier Bitch hates everybody and will never get a boyfriend with that attitude.
First, I ask, "Can I buy just one monkey bookend?" Withering stare passes for her answer. Taking a deep breath, I ask if she knows of any books based on the movie "What the Bleep Do We Know Anyway?" There's books out there. Dr. Emoto wrote one, I'm pretty sure. She attacks the computer keyboard in front of her. I say, "Are there computer kiosks in the store, because I can just look this up."
Commence Withering Stare: Part Deux. Then: "No, that's why I'm looking it up."
I wince. Cutting, hurtful comments fly through my mind. I resist asking her if Book Star has "Nasty Sales Bitch and the Awful, No-Good, Terribly Horrible Valentine's Day.
Cuz I'd like to read it.
Bitch Head.
No. So I say tersely, "forget it," hoping she'll get my passive aggressive point.
Oh my god, I'm so lame.
Anyway, so back to the browsing. This perfectly delightful man approacheth me not seconds after my failed verbal attack and asks about my shirt. It's a pretty cool shirt: pink and brown stripes. Seems he bought one just like it. Doesn't know what to wear with it though. Can he wear black?
No, I say helpfully.
Khakis? he inquires.
I think a moment.
Yes, I nod, khakis would work.
He pauses, then looks at my pants.
And what color is that?
Eggplant, I tell him.
Eggplant?
He must write this down. He withdraws a small writing pad from his (rust-colored) shirt pocket.
He takes a pen from his (turquoise) pant pocket.
I see his problem.
He scribbles "eggplant" in his little notebook, says thanks, starts to walk away.
"It's also sometimes called 'aubergine," I call after him.
Nasty Cashier Hater smirks.
Bitch Head.
The End.
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