STRANGE DAYS
I had an unusual weekend., predicated by the fact that I was husbandless and child bare for two evenings.
Friday I went out with a bunch of co-workers to bid farewell to a colleague leaving for Illinois. I relived the "old" days by playing the Eagles on the jukebox, breaking up a bar fight and talking to the crazy cross-eyed locals hanging at the dive.
Of course, I also danced to "I Will Survive," and said regrettable things to the people I work with. Things like, "I shave down there," and "You smell sometimes."
I did my usual drunk dance moves like "All the Way Down!" and "Everybody Swing Dance!" I also performed my signature piece: "Hey! Make a Tunnel with Your Legs and I'll Crawl Through!"
Then, right when I pinky swore myself to NEVER go out on the town again as long as I live because I am a bad mother! What kind of mother drinks Miller Lite with Bob, the loopy-gaited raspy-voiced 85-year-old neighborhood drunk and then makes people conga to Wolly Bully?? No kind of proper mother, that's who....and right when I said this to myself, I decide to see the Indigo Girls with a lesbian from work on Sunday night.
Kev had bought me tickets because he knows how much I love the Indigo Girls. But he would not attend the concert with me, so I had to find a lesbian. This lesbian I found is from work and is a nice lesbian and we went to the concert together because no one else would go with me and I love the Indigo Girls and everyone knows lesbians love to see The Girls in concert and so I took a chance and asked the office lesbian to go with me.
Well see the nice office lesbian gets a little "grabby" when she drinks and forgetful too. Like she forgot I wasn't also a lesbian.
After the concert, we heard the Indigo Girls might be at a local gay bar and so we went. There were about six people there at that bar and one karaoked the entire time. As I went to request "Desperado," she humped my leg (the karaoke-er). These girls were straightforward, I'll give them that.
So anyway, a strange weekend. I feel a little skeevy about it: Do any mothers you know drink beer and unwittingly court lesbians? One of my friend's moms once got drunk and puked in her purse and made her daughter clean it up and that's worse, right?
Comments (158)
Welcome to the club!
You're definitely a mommy now.
(Except for the "Hey! Make a Tunnel with Your Legs and I'll Crawl Through!" I can honestly say I've been there and done all that and more.)
Posted by Da Goddess | July 13, 2004 11:49 PM
Posted on July 13, 2004 23:49
Dear Debbie...you are soooo funny! My best friend, who also happens to be named Debbie found your web site a couple of weeks ago...we were being funny and looking up Debbie sites on the web and found yours... we had so much fun reading all your little drivels...That I put you on my fav's list. So now and agian I have to get a dose of your wonderful wit! I have been out with a lesbian and it was interesting to say the least... I also have been out with gay men and that is so much more fun...the only time in my life I have craweled between someones legs is when My Aunt made up the spanking machine when I was young...when ever any of us kids got out of line with her or each other, she would send us crawling through the legs of our cousins to get spanked by each...with her at the end of the line to look forward to her spanking with a wooded spoon... a very interesting take on keeping us in line, anyway I think your way would be more fun...glad to see you escape the Kev...and your little bunndle of joy for a little randr...Thanks for making My friend and I laugh! Theresa
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Posted on July 20, 2004 17:46
Thanks for alleviating my stress! I especially like the 8-month pregnant-going-out-with-lesbian-couple story!!!!!
And Theresa: thanks for the note! Send me your blog link!
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Posted by Debbie | July 20, 2004 8:17 PM
Posted on July 20, 2004 20:17
Debbie,
I'm good friends with your brother Mark and I'm sure you've heard the ASIA SF stories time and again. Speaking of lesbians and moms....I've done one too many shots of tequila there and danced with lesbians and.....and..... needless to say, my daughter was with the sitter. You're not a bad mom...and neither am I right??
Rosie
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