IS THIS IMAGINATION OF MINE EVER GONNA MAKE ME SOME MONEY?
So I'm strolling with my baby. She is snoozing. It's a nice walk. Gentle breeze. Pretty sunset. Green grass. Kids on bikes. It's nice. But wait! A dog barks. Maniac dogs! What will I do if they attack? I have my baby! For God's sakes, these dogs could jump my baby and tear her throat out! Killer dogs! Good grief! I will throw my body in front of her stroller and offer my arm to the rabid, crazy dogs. They will gnaw on it while I unstrap Alex from her infant seat. Where will I put her? Why, there! I 'll roll her under that garage door. It's open a crack. She'll fit and the mutant dogs can feast on my juicy flesh while my baby enjoys her cement sanctuary. Hold on! What if the garage door slit is open just enough so the dogs can slide in after her? Then, I'll be left outside and my baby will be food for dogs! Plus, she's juicier than I am! Hound dogs love juicy babies. Eeveryone knows that.
Wait!! I'll throw her over that fence. Because she might survive that. But she definitely won't survive bloodthirsty dogs tearing at her throat. Yes! The cards are stacked in her favor with the fence scenario. That's what I'll do!
And I left my house 3 minutes prior. There's still the Zombie Park Teen-ager Attack! and the Man Driving By Slowly Who Tries to Grab Us, But I Pretend to Inject Him with a Neurotoxin Stored in my Take-Along Hypodermic and He Gets So Scared He Drives Off! murder attempt.
I hope you enjoyed this 5-minute glimpse into my brain. And if you think that was scary, try owning the brain in question. Ow! It hurts!!
Comments (2)
I'm worried about you.
Every good mother should know that genetically-engineered, manical killer dogs can be subdued by repeating the term "Father brain is unhappy. Return to the bone cave" three times, while waving a rubber octopus in a circular pattern.
Didn't they teach you these things in the classes you took before giving birth? I thought it was common knowledge.
Posted by workmonkey | July 26, 2004 1:41 PM
Posted on July 26, 2004 13:41
Start writing these things out completely! Your daughter (and countless others) will appreciate what goes through a mom's mind while in the throes of parenthood.
Posted by Da Goddess | July 31, 2004 11:40 PM
Posted on July 31, 2004 23:40