Debbie Does Drivel

THINGS WITH TEETH THAT BUG

Jennifer Garner:
She is so trying to mimic Julie Robert's buggersome and freakishly wide-mouthed smile, that I want to run from the TV screen every time I see her garish grin lest its fake bleachiness and souless mirth turn me into a zombie Alias devotee.

Jessica Simpson:
Did she borrow Celine Dion's vocal coach or what? Memo to all the World: It is important that Celine Dion's singing style not be copied and allowed to propogate. That lip vibratto thing and over dramatization of all hand movements makes a diva look like a crack-addled nutbag (Whitney Houston alert! Whitney Houston alert!).

That Crest White Strips commercial:
Don't TV commercials have directors? Why was there no one to tell that actress that "smile like you're in love" does not equate to "bare your horse teeth" and "nothing says passion like a good cud chew."

Julia Stiles:
I don't know. Something about her nose.
Also her teeth.