BUTT TRAUMA
We had a plumber over today to clear a clog in our shower drains.
The obstruction has been there for months and we've pretty much ignored it until our shower pan filled with murky water and we realized we were showering ankle deep in butt hair-, dead epidermal cell- and snot-infested water (Kev blows his nose in the shower and yes, this disturbs me).
Anyway, the pumber had to remove the medicine cabinet to get to wall pipes and I realized MUCH too late that he was doing this himself-- clearing the medicine cabinet of all my secret post-pregnancy medicines. I quickly scurried into the bathroom to remove these items, but saw that he could not have missed my bottles of Dermaplast, Anusol, Tucks and assorted suppositories. He probably thinks that I have a butt fetish or that Kev and I are butt lovers, but the sad truth is, these medicines comprised my arsenal against the butt trauma that is postpartum recovery.
See, no one told me (and I had no idea until after I gave birth), that your ass is the last to recover after you deliver your baby. I felt like I was crapping shards of glass every time I sat down and I was too traumatized to poo until weeks after Alexa was born.
My Step One, Step Two process of going to the bathroom (pee only) in the days after labor and delivery involved a warm water spray, a Dermaplast blast, a Tucks wipe and an Anusol swab. And sometimes I put a frozen bag of peas or corn between my legs for icy relief.
This I could not share with the plumber, even though he must surely deal with other people's butt stuff all day long.
Comments (174)
oh crap! I forgot to give you the secret remedy.
Take one diaper, pull open at the tab at, fill with crushed ice. Fold tabs down and around to seal end. Apply two Tucks, spray the dermaplast on Tucks. Apply to affected area. Works like a charm and easily disposed of when done.
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you guys are determined to de-glamorize pregnancy for me, aren't you? :p
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Wait until you read my labor story!!
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