Debbie Does Drivel

TACO BELL BAGS AND ARMAGEDDON

These are the things you dream about when you are seriously low on sleep. When I was able to catch a 20-minute nap the other day, I woke still clinging to the dream of year-old Taco Bell bags piling up in our kitchen and me yelling at Kev to please throw them out. Now, this dream is dangerously close to reality as neither of us has the energy to cook and take-out is our salvation.

The end of the world dream was last night. It was particularly vivid and Kev had his own version of it the night before. When REM sleep is interrupted, all dream hell breaks loose.

At night, Alexa wants to feed about every 3 hours...and after she eats, we change the inevitable poopy diaper, swaddle her and hope to high heaven that she will drift off to sleep. Getting her to drift off to sleep is a complicated recipe involving our HEPA air filter, a vacuum cleaner and Kevin screaming "shhh, shhh" in her ear. We read that in the womb, the sound level was at 90 decibels and newborns still prefer that sound level in the real world, so we recreate it with appliances.

Other than that, she is Mega Baby complete with astounding super powers. Kevin is sure she is way advanced for her age, as he has never seen a week-old lift her head, kick her arms and legs and focus on light the way our little Wonder Woman does.

To this end, we are totally overstimulating her in our pursuit of hyperstarting her developmental process. We put her in the crib and turn on the spinning, whirlagig mobile complete with loops of Bach, Beethoven and Mozart; then throw her in the bouncy chair with sound and lights; then whisk her away to a play mat resplendent in primary colors and hanging toys. I admit we are overdoing it. It's just that we are so impatient and cannot wait for her to interact with us and say things like: "Get that damn Tickle Me Elmo out of my chubby face."

What's been particularly interesting is watching Kev interact with the baby. The first few days, he got up during the night each time I did and insisted on changing the diaper or rocking her to sleep. He brings the camera out way more than I do and engineers photo opps, like swaddling her like a baby burrito and putting little bowls of salsa and guacomole next to her. He even drives slow now.

I love him more than ever and the baby more than I thought possible.

And so motherhood has begun.