Debbie Does Drivel

LIKE SLATE

I know, I know.
Empty.

QUICKLY

Emotional: stayed in a hotel a few weekends ago because I was mad at Kev. No good reason why.

Paunchy: Nothing fits. Not even maternity clothes. I'm in a weird in-between state. Now I just look fat and would love an "I'm pregnant!" placard.

Gassy: Kevin now has NOTHING on me.

Happy: COMPLETELY in spite of myself and my long-nurtured pessimism.

I think there is such a thing as eating too much dried fruit.

HYPO

I woke up at 4AM on Saturday morning not feeling pregnant anymore.
My boobs had lost their soreness, my stomach had lost its paunch and I felt like drinking coffee and eating omelettes.

Seriously, I prayed I was not carrying a dead fetus in my tummy so I could avoid the inevitable nervous breakdown at my next OB-GYN appointment after the doc told me they failed to locate a heartbeat.

My appointment is Thursday and that's when we're supposed to find out if we're having a boy or girl. I am very excited barring the possible mental collapse thing.

This pregnancy is going to be a real hoot for Kevin. I'm only 4-plus months along and already I've had dangerous levels of "excess amniotic fluid," "listeria" (look it up) and a "prolapsed uterus." Add in my aversions to needles, gaping holes and medical uniforms and we're in for a real hypo-neurotic rollercoaster here.

FEELING AUTUMNAL

I love Fall's first snap. Even in Southern California. It's a slowing, a storing up, a softening I look forward to every year.

The blue skies mute imperceptibly at first, the light looks like an impressionist painting. There's a barely noticeable chill that lends itself to visions of fireplaces, hot cocoa, good books and thick sweaters.

The lengthening (rather, the shortening) into Winter gets me going too. Cozy, warm things beckon and anticipatory excitement builds for the holidays.

I think I like Autumn most of all because it reminds me of shopping for school supplies, thumbing through Seventeen Magazine, mentally assembling perfect back-to-school outfits, waiting for snow while kicking up crispy leaves on the playground. Fall for me is always the promise of things to come: better grades, new crushes, the perfect Christmas gift and things to cherish: an afghan throw, a cushy couch, a Happy New Year (for once!).

Also: the way it darkens early, cloaking my physical world in all the fantasy, unspoken and imagined allure that exists in my head every day of the year. Plus: Halloween! Spooky. And I love my spooky.

Lo, though I hate Spring. It's so false, so gaudy, so easy. Fall-Winter twinkles, Spring glares.

It's interesting to note that my baby will be born in mid-February, straddling the seasons (the ones I love, the ones the deplore). A cosmic lesson perhaps.

DON'T CRY FOR ME, CURRIED SPINACH IN THE FREAKY VACUUM POUCH

What I bought from Trader Joe's (abridged):
Veggie Pad Thai
Asparagus Pasta
Veggie Sushi Roll-Ups
Healthy Assortment of Fruit
Edamame
Yogurt (soy)
Wheat Bread
Indian Entree Ensconced in Aluminum Flavor Pak, much like astronaut food
Roasted Veggie Enchiladas
Organic Apple Granola

What I Ate:
Potato Salad

Method of Eating:
Licking it from my cupped palm

Glad to see pregnancy has not changed my inner core.

BOOKS I'VE KNOWN THIS PAST MONTH:

My Year of Meats
--so unexpectedly excellent. american-japanese woman directs "My American Wife!," a documentary aired in Japan and purposed to make Japanese woman love the look and preparation of meats (mostly robust red meats). you'll never ever eat meat again. no. never.

The Corrections
--could not stop reading it, leading me to spend countless hours couped up in my Accord drenched in 100-degree weather, legs askew and back crimped. like I often say: it's best not to ask.
this is a dysfunctional family-type book. the end disappointed me and the middle meandered, but overall: would recommend.

Atlantis Found
--wanted: mindless drivel of a book to distract from brain-numbingly uncomfortable hours of nausea. such a silly book FOUND.

And have you read the House of Leaves? You really need to read the House of Leaves. Buying Poe's CD inspired by her brother's book is not allowed.

GIRL, OBSTRUCTED

Looks like it's a girl! But it's not official, because parts of "her" were hidden. I'm pretty sure it's a girl though. I knew it! Because she likes it when I pretend to be a ballerina and she really craved chocolate the other day.

The only downside: Kevin was right. I don't like it when Kevin is right. But I'll give on this one.

"Alex" (the only Kev-approved name so far) had the hiccups yesterday. She also had the hiccups during my last ultrasound. Both episodes were so violent, her little body shook with each gaseous emission.

So...OK, she has our gas. Is she also going to have our tiny skulls and thin hair?
The nose I feel pretty confident about. Mine is large, Kev's is pert. So that is good news on the nasal gene front.

She also apparently has big lips (don't be a pervert), so we'll save $$ on collagen injections. Hopefully she'll also have a big brain so we save $$ on college.

When is my El Pollo Loco going to get here?