The L.A.-based Mark & Brian radio show used to do this once-a-year segment where they'd get drunk on the air to demonstrate how you lose your reasoning abilities when you drink. I think it was a push for MADD, but I remember thinking, "They make drunk sound so fun, how can this possibly deter anybody, much less teen-agers who are built for Dionyssian (Greek Gods not strong point) debauchery, from drinking?" (Shit, I do love my alliteration.)
...wait...I must go turn on Buffy...I like to hear it in the background when I do all things...
...damn! not a new one...
...must still have in my peripheral hearing...
Anyway, I decided to get drunk tonight online and just keep writing and writing and see the turn my prose took; watch how I lose myself in the labyrinth of liquor; thrill to my own loss of reason...but think it may just be a cheap thrill. Cheap like a $1.99 bottle of Chuck Shaw, it just may be. And I'm above that.
*********
(doo doo doo doo, doo doo doo, doo doo doo doo (raise pitch of voice here for one "doo") doo doo doo doo doo doo) --> please sing the previous Jeopardy-style....tune is meant to denote passage of time.
Oh man, that was funny. I buy Charles Shaw all the time. Definitely not above that. But like to paint a high-and-mighty picture from time to time.
Let me segue and explain exactly why I'm getting drunk and trying to pass it off as a socialogical experiment.
See, my job is charisma-stripping. And very unfortunately irritating beyond all measure. But that's not it.
No, it's frustrating too. And my bosses do things that set my deadlines back and then like to blame me when things come in past-due and it makes me angry and I tend to be immature and one juvenile response to that is drunkenness.
(Am I spelling things wrong? I think I'm spelling things wrong. I have an unnatural fear of that since I spelled "school" wrong in the second grade spelling bee. Much humiliation and mind-numbing despair followed. Especially since I'd lost to Patty Frye, who earlier that year had fallen from the top of a slide and was never quite up to snuff after that.)
Oh! Spike's shirt is off! And he's on a bed.
You will excuse me for a minute?
(doo doo doo doo, doo doo doo, doo doo doo doo (don;t forget to raise pitch of voice here) doo doo doo doo doo doo)
Hello again, hello.
I am also getting drunk because I have PMS and alcohol, coupled with liver-maurading Advil, work quite well to keep symptoms at bay.
But also, I am drinking because as the great writer Michael Ventura says:
"I write this, then in defense and praise of those spirits who have accompanied me into great happiness and serious misery. At times protected me, at times attacked. Spirits that have been straightforward and devious, loyal and treacherous by turns (usually in proportion to how I was acting toward myself). They have revealed great things, and hidden others; made some nights bearable, rendered some unbearable; brought me closer to some people, took me farther from others. And they have made a fool of me -- sometimes gently, sometimes brutally. There is nothing simple about them. There is nothing simple about anything spirited.
I believe what the Sufis say: that something in you is already drunk, always drunk, and that this may be what is closest to the gods. And sometimes, as in tribal ritual, we drink to meet and wake that inner drunkenness."
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