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PR: (i.e. Please Refrain)

I work in PR, yet I'm very much not a PR person.
I've never been a glad-handing baby-kisser. It takes me awhile to warm up to people and I abhor fakery of any kind ("It's so good to see you! Why yes, I'd love to send you that press kit again! Oh no! I HATE trees, so I don't mind sacrificing another of those pesky natural wonders to your insatiable and mysterous appetite for the materials I keep sending and you keep losing!")

When my company sends me to some event to schmooze the press, I just die a little inside, because I'm so non-schmoozy. BUT....

There are times when I surprise myself. It's almost as if some gene from my Dad (salesman extradonnaire) lies dormant most of the year, only to awake upon certain occasions, overwhelming my natural tendencies to be cynical and ironic and instead making me love everybody and want to know all about their decouppage projects. It's like my body secretes a naturally-occurring ecstasy hormone once a year or so.

Yesterday I attended my friend's wedding at a winery here in San Diego and I was all over the place, sprinkling gratuitous compliments and professions of love and devotion to everyone from the woman I met in the bathroom to the janitor guy.

I accosted the band on their intermission and begged for their card, because they were THE BEST BAND I'D EVER HEARD! and I NEED YOUR CONTACT INFO SO I CAN REFER YOU TO EVERYONE I KNOW, like THE NICE WOMAN I JUST MET IN THE RESTROOM AND THE JANITOR GUY!"

Then, I'm off the bar where I tell the vineyard owner that she "MAKES THE BEST WINE EVER! IT'S SO ROBUST! AND FLAVORFUL! and IS THAT CHERRY I TASTE? MY GOD, I LOVE CHERRY! and I LOVE YOU FOR PRODUCING A WINE THAT TASTES OF CHERRY!"

There was one 45-minute stretch where I disappeared, leaving my husband to talk with Colleen and Frank, who were hurt at my long absence because I'd just got finished telling them "HOW I'D LOVE TO HANG OUT WITH YOU GUYS MORE!" YOU'RE SUCH A GREAT COUPLE AND I NEED TO HAVE A GAME NIGHT WITH YOU! I'LL MAKE FONDUE!"

During those 45 minutes, I was "hanging" outside the tent with the bride's friends from Michigan and they were cool because THEY WERE FROM THE MIDWEST and "I REALLY MISS CHICAGO AND MILWAUKEE AND CONSEQUENTLY I MISS YOU GIRLS TOO BECAUSE YOU REMIND ME OF MY HOMELAND!"

When we left the wedding, I left skidmarks on the ground because quite honestly Kev had to drag me out of there, but not before I could chat a second with the best man to nod thoughtfully at his description of the gene research he was doing and after which I thanked him for DOING SUCH IMPORTANT WORK; THE WORLD NEEDS MORE PEOPLE LIKE YOU AND IS THAT YOUR WIFE OVER THERE? I BET SHE'S ALSO AN UPSTANDING HUMAN LIKE YOU. I SHOULD SAY HI!"

So I did, after which we exited amidst regretful, woeful stares that such a loving and fabulous complimenter such as myself had to leave.

I think you should know that I had to promise Kev I'd get a full-body scan to identify that ecstasy-producing, usually-dormant gene so we can have it excised. HEY! MAYBE THE GENE-RESEARCHING BEST MAN WOULD BE INTERESTED IN STUDYING IT! I MUST CALL THE BAND TO SEE IF THEY HAVE THE BEST MAN'S PHONE NUMBER OR WOULD COLLEEN AND FRANK HAVE IT?

Comments (152)

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Had you had a lot of the very nice wine? I only ask cos thats what I'm like after a couple of glasses - I suddenly find people fascinating and want to know all about them.

That was you? I heard about that party.

So I should be very grateful you only had a LITTLE wine at lunch that time?

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