In grade school, I tried out for cheerleading every year.
I practiced going all the way down with my splits, doing straight cartwheels and acting real giggly.
I attempted to clap loudly, stomp wildly and act peppy.
I wanted to do choreographed routines so bad, I rehearsed all the time to get it right.
Sometimes, I did it to the beat of "Coward of the County" (Kenny Rogers) or the Aesop Fables album (Smothers Brothers).
Really, it was scary how bad I wanted to be a cheerleader.
I remember trying out in the gym, usually going right after that perky Sally Ahern, and trying to smile all the way through, even when I knew I was off-beat and my voice was shaky.
How I wanted to be a cheerleader.
There are times I still can touch, smell even, that desire.
Smooth gym floors, sweaty armpits, grassy football fields all bring me back.
And sometimes I still feel like I'm trying out for cheerleading.