This is Going to be Fun (For You)
You all are going to witness a breakdown. Complete and mental.
Being that I have to fly in less than three weeks, I am on my way to losing it. Real wacko style.
I haven't needed to fly since I started this Blog. So I've referred to my phobia in the past tense, when it's good and far away. Now, it's coming up fast, and I'm losing my Beautiful Mind.
The dreams began awhile ago: I have to fly somewhere and the dread is intense. Just knowing I have to get on the plane is horrible disaster. Sometimes, I make it on the plane in my dream. Sometimes not.
I am in a constant state of tension. I've tried to not think about the flight and play mind games with myself...since if I allow myself to perseverate on it, I'll go through the months pre-flight as a walking zombie. But my body has taken up the fight, and broken out in hives. My arms, neck, chest are dotted with red bumps and my eyes look sunken and fearful. My mind may not be walking dead (yet) but my body looks like it.
I can't do it! But I have to!
Am I going to die? Am I going to die?
Why God Why? I want to have kids and stuff and spend a good part of my days shielding them from my neuroses. Shouldn't I be allowed that chance?
Commence breakdown, phase 1.