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A.D.D.

Sometimes I'll try to really focus on one thing or nothing at all, like during a meditative fling say, and I then realize that my mind regularly flies in fourteen different directions, each trying to tether itself to some sort of nexus and unable to do so, winging off unmanaged.

Proof:
While I was reading Possession and half-listening to MTV's WWF 3, my brain imagined having my first child, whom I loved dearly. A boy, he was gangly but in a sweet gooby way, and we shared a special mother-son bond, often hanging out on the couch watching TV together, resting, neither one of us wanting to be somewhere else. He grew, and we'd go shopping and talk about his future. I always encouraged him to express himself (here, I briefly toyed with the idea of bringing him up non-denominational given that I'd recently attended a Seaside Church of Religious Science mass and really enjoyed it, then felt guilty and had bad dreams that night of evil infiltrations). Regardless of whether I finally decide to raise him Catholic or Seaside, he turns into the sort of man who has an unshakable belief in himself, and is quietly self-actualized. He has sandy brown hair and is lanky. He thinks I'm the best mom; is protective of me and calls me "mama" every so often, affectionately.
We go on this way until I get cancer, and he keeps vigil at my bedside with Kevin.
In there somewhere, I also calculated how long it would be until he could buy me really good presents (after he gets his first job, which would be creatively fulfilling yet well-paying). I decided I'd be about 58-59.

No lie: this whole daydream scenario took 2 minutes to play out...and the entire time I never took my eyes of my book or stopped listening to MTV.

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