Yesterday I had to get an employee-sponsored physical as part of my pre-work preparation.
This check-up consisted of a hearing and vision test, reflex check, ear, nose, throat, lung, lymph node, and joint check, which really all served to conceal the fact that this exam was a drug test.
The second I show up, I am asked to wash my hands, then am ushered into a cubbyhole, asked to remove my purse and leave it there: a locked room.
A nurse takes me to a bathroom, except that the water has been turned off, and tells me to pee in a cup while she guards the door.
I'm nervous. Even though I do not take drugs, I feel like I do and have something to hide.
I only pee 5mls. This takes me almost 10 minutes. I've peed all over my hands, AND the cup and cannot wash up.
I do my best to wipe the urine off the test capsule, and hand it to the nurse, who is surely convinced I've somehow doctored this sample -- perhaps with voluminous amounts of spit and yellow food dye.
I have to take it again, but am allowed just two glasses of water to get things going.
So, if you want to borrow a picture from my mind library of running water imagery, just let me know.
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