I'm in high school again.
I'm highly irritated with my best friend, and being a passive-aggressive girl, I cannot tell her outright why I am mad at her...
so, I've been avoiding her (i.e. not calling all week, not e-mailing, etc.), and now I find that she is coming to a book club event tonight. No matter that I've asked her again and again to join us for a book club meeting and she's always been "busy," but now that I'm not talking to her, she's coming.
So now visions of snide, side-long glances, and uncomfortable silences are dancing through my petty head. I wonder who will be on "her side" and who "on mine."
Let me tell you why I'm annoyed:
She has drama after drama with guys that are bad for her. She consistently picks the type of guy who is image-conscious (to a fault), and overly preoccupied with material things. So, it stands to reason that this sort of man will not be a stand-up guy when it comes to non-durable goods, like people (i.e. her). Since, the man she tends to date is also very into the going out thing (mainly with the guys), he puts the going-out-with-the-guys activities above her. Meaning, she is always upset in every single one of these relationships (she's had 5 since 1997) when the guy doesn't spend enough time with her and puts his friends first. Plus, there's always trust issues. She gets the feeling that these guys aren't being up-front with her about their going-out activities (and she's always been right). Then, she rearranges her schedule to accommodate them, and they NEVER do the same for her.
So, she's upset a lot in these relationships. She's stressed, angry, and off-kilter.
In every case, she's broken up at least once with all these guys, and then resumes the relationship about a week later -- and then, it's even more unhealthy then before. And she remains in this hyper state of unhappiness and self-destruction until the Big Bang, when something happens that even she can't deny (like, unrefuted cheating proof) to end it once and for all.
In every one of these relationships, I've been there. I've listened and commiserated, and dissed the guy after the break-up. And frankly, I'm wondering when she's going to stop the pattern.
When she's out of the relationship, she always expects me to be there (and I want to be), but when she's back in it, I don't hear from her for days upon days. She breaks plans with me, is generally unavailable, and is never up-front with me about her activities.
So, I don't want to judge -- even though I know I am -- but the real why-I'm-mad-issue is I feel used. She puts these bad guys first every time; they are her focus, her priority, her over-riding compulsion, and I am not to be seen or heard from until she needs to talk. Maybe that's not a valid reason to be angry. Maybe it's selfish. Why can't I be Jesus?
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