This is how 30-somethings celebrate Halloween in San Diego (one of the most vanilla and boring of the 15 largest U.S. cities):
--Go to a thrift store at 5PM on Saturday to find a costume.
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--Make three additional stops (Party City, Target, Poppy Liquor) and listen as your husband debates between the red or hot pink Lee Press-On Nails, nude or suntan knee-his, and plastic or glass bottle of $1.99 gin.
--Hide from husband when he demands you apply even more blush to his already rosied cheeks.
--Go to a party and actually seek out the host/hostess to inform them NOT that their bar is well-stocked, but that they did an absolutely FAB job decorating the house for the holiday.
--Continue to hide from husband as now he is "coming on" to every male there between hacking, croupy coughs such as you'd expect from alcoholic housewives.
--Wonder why your husband thought an "alcoholic housewife" is a valid Halloween costume.
--Wonder why everyone else thinks it's funny too.
--Wonder why no one has said anything about your pre-fab gypsy costume.
--Remember that once you were creative and would never have dressed as a gyspy for Halloween, but would have been something like an alcoholic housewife.
--Go to another party and eat two bowls of Doritos.
--Get good and drunk and threaten to kick the kimoned ass of some stupid chick dressed up like a Geisha, who had your husband and his friends thrown out of the party.
--Vow to act your age next year.
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