Debbie Does Drivel

Last night, Kevin noticed that the bathroom window screen was pushed in like someone had tried to break into the house. It's a small window, so a very small person could wriggle their way inside and we always keep it open to diffuse the mildew...
So, this leads me to Neurosis #7: Someone will break into the house and kill me.

To prepare for this #7 scenario, I have a high-tech security system installed on the side door (a chair under the doorknob and a piece of tile on the window ledge which is rigged to fall should an intruder intrude). At the sliding glass patio doors, I have sculpted a life-size "guard" designed to scare off nefarious night stalkers. This guard consists of a chair, a hat, and a blanket. You figure it out.

At all times, next to the bed, I have a flashlight, a bat, and the phone (that's not so bad. I know a girl who sleeps with a knife under her pillow).

Kev won't admit it, but there is a big part of him who understands my security precautions. I do notice that he always re-positions the chair under the side door knob should it come loose, and he has a flashlight on his side of the bed too.
Plus, right after he discovered the jimmied bathroom window, he was outside pronto checking for footprints and other clues. He also couldn't stop talking about it, and made me hide all my jewelry this morning (he stuck his own valuables inside a moldy old shoe).

Soon, he'll be at the point where I can safely share my Emergency Escape Plan (A) with him: if I hear someone break in during the night, I quick like a bunny slam our bedroom door shut, heave the dresser in front of the door to bar entry, take my flashight and break the bedroom window, then climb over Kev to safety outside, while dialing 911 on my phone.

(I was Kris Munro in my childhood game of "Charlie's Angels." She was the most quick-thinking and acrobatic. She'd be proud of me.)